Some people are perfectly comfortable on the ground. But not me. Perhaps high heels have spoiled me, though some of us are just too much for mere gravity. I like to think I’m an excellent gravity pilot and know how to fall.
Not like a stunt on a TV show, but REALLY fall. I’m not saying I like it. But fall I have and here I am, if only for a short while. Capsized. Overnight, my world has changed channels and offered me up as chum to those I now call mistakes. If I am completely honest… it sucks. But then it doesn’t. It should fill me with terror, yet instead it has me mesmerized.
Why? Because every living being should experience this. Provincial? Yes. Humbling? Yes again! Liberating? Absolutely. Being knocked on our ass is the great homogenizer. We should all look out the same window once. Feast with the oppressed.
So my perfect little planet has abandoned orbit. Overnight, the weather has changed. I didn’t know before this what bad really meant. But now I do and it’s at least this: A place where envy finds fertile soil and hatred dominates the soul of people you thought you knew. Even YOU could wake one morning to find yourself alone, without money and wondering where your next friend is coming from. This is the moment when you discover exactly who you are. I am discovering that there is no shame in my suffering – no healing in silent self-torment. This is the dawning of my personal truth: I am not my mistakes. The anguish I endure graciously hones my empathetic heart. There is a gift in all this - my secret treasure. And I will find it.
I try to remind myself that brighter days linger on the other side of these dark winter months. I will emerge perfect in my own way. And whoever awaits me on the other side will find a brighter, more saturated Jennifer. Just wait and see. I am so much more than the girl you’ve always known.
No comments:
Post a Comment